Dear Wallet,
I bring you good news, recent anecdotes say that Sandie has lost her appetite for shopping.
lundi, décembre 26, 2005
Dear Wallet
Dear Wallet,
I bring you good news, recent anecdotes say that Sandie has lost her appetite for shopping.
Foood?
I was in my kitchen today. This is not a rare occurrence as I can often be found in my kitchen, but I do not grace the kitchen with my presence to achieve what many would consider the ultimate goal when entering a kitchen, and that is to prepare food.
No, I go into the kitchen to try and prepare food. You see, no matter how hard I try, however many attempts I make and however often I hold a particular container of food up to my face to peer eagerly at it's fine contents and nutritional value, to at least try to conjure an idea for what manner of a meal or snack I should make for this fine afternoon, I end up leaving the kitchen with an empty stomach, every time.
My attention wanders, you see. I think about anything - everything in fact, that has nothing to do with food. I can be happily staring into the space roughly half a metre past the jar of artichoke hearts I hold in my grasp while I think about the different brands of calculators, or cats, or cats with calculators glued to their backs, or alarm clocks that are friendly and talk to you in the morning. Nothing can distract me from this. Not even my sister, can wrench my gaze from whatever it is I'm not looking at to inform me that I've been standing there for roughly forty-five minutes with the fridge door open.
Today, for example, I went into the kitchen, I opened the fridge and peered at its fine content of slightly overripe fruits, bruised carrots, and assorted dairy products, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't think of anything but this -
In the Super Mario series of games, Mario somehow has the ability to pick things up without the use of his hands. Not even that, but he seems to offer no obvious method by which items are procured. Coins, power-up mushrooms, invincibility stars. All that these things require to be taken from their lofty perch atop an almost equally improbable floaty block is to be walked into.
What if this happened all the time in real life? Objects would randomly disappear upon collision with a human body, only to reappear as nothing more than a number in the corner of your vision, or a curious after effect - possibly causing the unfortunate victim to grow to the size of a large oak tree.
As I held the russet onion in my hand, I found myself perplexed by this. I tried touching the onion a few times to see if I could "pick it up", but alas, nothing happened. I placed the onion back into the fridge and walked out of the kitchen. I'd forgotten what I'd come in for.
Merry Crassmass
This year's Christmas was nice. I went to Ashley's house the day before Christmas eve to give each other presents. It was fun, and I got nice things. Eileen gave Sandie a nice belt, and a nice book. The book that Eileen got Sandie is called Nineteen-Eighty-Four, and it is by George Orwell. Lindy got Ashley a nice scarf and a black shirt and some makeup. I like makeup. We went to a restaurant to have lunch that day. It was nice. The restaurant was nice, and the food was nice. It was greek food. Greek food is nice. Then after lunch, me and Lindy went to Laurel and Kimberly's house. We went to the Burchells' house because Lindy said she was going to give Kimberly chocolate and a card. It was nice. At Laurel and Kimberly's house, Kimberly was sick. And so was their dog, Sheyla. Sheyla is fun, and Sheyla kept on trying to lick my face. Sheyla is very cute.
We went back to Ashley's house after giving Kimberly her card, and playing with Sheyla. We baked pie at Ashley's house. It was fun. Lindy and Ashley peeled and cut the apples, Sandie mixed the apples in sugar and cinnamon. Eileen was baking chocolate cookies. Aidan was there and Aidan played computer games while we made pie. We had alot of fun, and we watched some movies. We watched Sin City first. In the middle of Sin City Ashley's mom came home with sushi. We had sushi for dinner. After Sin City we watched TV. Then a little later we watched Le Marche de L'Empereur. Penguins are so cute, and after watching that movie Aidan said she wanted to have a pet penguin. I like penguins. Penguins are cute. Later Sandie and Eileen went upstairs to make coffee. Sandie went to go on the computer. Aidan came and we played a cool online game. When we went back downstairs, Lindy was watching Batman Begins. It looked really cool. But Sandie missed alot of the movie, so she didn't really get it. So Sandie ended up playing games with Eileen. Then we went to sleep. It was fun.
dimanche, décembre 18, 2005
Movies that Will Make you Cry
Making a list like this makes me realize that I am quite the cry-baby... although I assure you, most (if not all of these movies) are more than tear-worthy.
Just finished this movie no more than half an hour ago. It's an eye-opener, this movie. Don Cheadle commanded the screen, he was nothing short of amazing. If you can sit through this movie without feeling the least bit of disturbance, there is something wrong with you.
A stunning movie about the Holocaust through the eyes of Wladyslaw Szpilman, a Holocaust survivor, directed by Roman Polanski, another Holocaust survivor. Quite an unique point of view for a this type of film. Not once has this film become preachy. Adrien Brody's performance was excellent.
Crying over this movie may not be as justified as the previous two, but I couldn't help it. It hits you like a brick wall at the end of it all. An extremely bittersweet ending to a breathtakingly beautiful film. Still need convincing? Two words: Tim Burton.
I watched this movie a few years ago, so my recollection of it is a bit rusty. But I remember it to be full of moving performances. I don't typically enjoy thoes films where the directors so blatantly try to manipulate the audience to feel. When it doesn't work, the movie entire movie suffers and has a fake feeling. But The Green Mile was executed so perfectly, I didn't hold back on the tears by the end of the film.
Honourable Mentions for Cry-worthy films: (All terrific movies)
One of thoes eye-opening movies for me, that addresses the industrialization of the world, and the diminishing culture in smaller societies.
A prime example of a movie where emotional manipulation works beautifully. A very delicate story about a father-son relationship. In a class wayyy above it's fellow movies of a similar storyline.
Darren Aronofsky is a film-making genius. His brain definitely does not follow the typical conventions of film making, evident from this film. Highly disturbing. Requiem is a very difficult movie to sit through, but worth every moment of it. Be warned.
You Can Count on Me
My Dog Skip
The Last Samurai
Well, that's my list, I will elaborate on the last three films some other time.
As a last note, I'd like to say, WATCH THESE MOVIES!! Or else.
jeudi, décembre 15, 2005
Christmas
Eight things your lover <33 Must be:
Three, material things I want for Christmas:
Two, impossible things that I want for Christmas:
One, wish that I want for Christmas:
Somehow being able to have a guarenteed successful future.
lundi, décembre 05, 2005
Thoughts
I'd like to think that the reason people become frustrated with me is because they know I'm right.
dimanche, décembre 04, 2005
Things I Dislike
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
Again, your ideals of "having a life" does not reflect the opinions of everyone else. Besides, if having a life means taking school seriously and earning an easier tomorrow, and having a life means having total disregard for your elders, and socializing with dimwits, then I'd rather not have a life.
1
0
-1
No, a teacher is not going to excuse you to go the the washroom because he/she is a bitch, but because you've gone twice every class for the past three weeks.
-2
-3
Soo, that concludes my rant for today. There is probably more, but that's qute enough for one day.
lundi, novembre 28, 2005
February
I was initially quite skeptical about the machine. I mean, who wouldn't be? This is something that mankind has dreamed about since the beginning of time, before the dinosaurs, and even when humans called themselves Mars dwellers. It wasn't something that my feeble brain was able to accept so easily. It was all a huge, miraculous phenomenon really. How this fine piece machinery had wounded up in my hands.
It was a fine autumn morning, I was out front, sitting on a flipped army green garbage bin, minding my own business, when as if from nowhere, a very flustered looking scientist presented himself in front of me. Now this wasn't just any breed of scientist, this one was clearly a Mad Scientist. He possessed a wild, untamed white mane, and ridiculous glasses that were a size to large for his face. Stark contrast to his scientist counterpart, the Ordinary Scientist, who possessed sensible spectacles.
And that was how I got my hands on the elusive Snow Machine that makes real snow. I will test it out tomorrow morning.
dimanche, novembre 27, 2005
mercredi, novembre 16, 2005
Belated Rememberance
Kind of late for Rememberance day, but hey, what does the date matter when you have a perfect image?
P.S. Image credit goes to Sally.
vendredi, novembre 11, 2005
The Gravity Gun
It arrived in the post last Tuesday. I hadn't gotten around to opening the parcel and using it because I was scared of exactly how awesome this thing was going to be. Turns out this Gravity Gun I ordered over the Internet is so awesome it'll make your socks explode.
The first thing I did with it was to pick up the postman. He didn't seem too happy about the whole thing though, so I switched the gun to "Repel" and sent him flying at a ridiculous velocity across the early morning rooftops of the sleepy suburb where I live. A few seconds later I heard a muffled crash. A car alarm went off. "The postman has landed", I thought to myself and headed back indoors.
The Gravity Gun is a marvellous thing. Invented by the creators of Half Life 2 and built in reality from a few pieces of string and some orange peel, it is capable of grasping an object firmly within its strong, directional gravitational field and then, if so desired, hurling said object many miles in a given direction.
It was almost 11am - around the time when I would head down to the local supermarket to pick up some bits and pieces for lunch. I stood up and decided that, in the pale light of my kitchen, the fridge would look better a couple of feet further left. I hoisted the Gravity Gun and gently picked up the fridge using my carefully harnessed gravitational field. Unfortunately, I had gotten confused with the shoddy labelling on the "Repel" and "Release" switches. After mistakenly pressing the "Repel" switch, I watched with a mixture of awe and disbelief as my fridge moved suddenly a few hundred feet or so east, taking with it several pieces of fridge shaped masonry from my house and the other houses in my neighbourhood which it had chosen to move through at an astounding speed.
Vaguely bewildered, I walked out of my back door towards the supermarket from which I was still determined to purchase various items, Gravity Gun still in my grasp. I noticed that someone had parked their car ever so slightly too far out in front of my drive. This would not be tolerated so, taking suggestions from my increasingly psychotic mind, I hoisted it into the air with the Gravity Gun and, unsure whether or not it was yet another genuine mistake or because I actually found it incredibly funny, pressed the "Repel" switch once again. I had been pointing the car skywards when I hit the switch so, with nary a sound, the vehicle hurtled into the atmosphere at a speed which I had now started to call "Close to a billion feet per three seconds" because, as I have already mentioned, this day was proving somewhat harmful to my mental wellbeing and I was becoming more psychotic with every passing second.
Laughing quietly to myself, I wandered into the supermarket. By this point, a couple of people had noticed my lunacy and had followed me discretely but, because I was slowly becoming a grade A mentalist, my ever-alert mind picked up on their treachery. I hurled myself around and aimed the Gravity Gun at them, picking them up with the merest of effort on my part.
"No!", they pleaded, "Leave us out of your lunacy, we have done nothing to upset you". One of them started crying but I, yes I, the King with the Big Awesome Gravity Gun heeded not their words of mercy, but hit once again the "Repel" switch that sent them spinning into what I think was the moon, but it could have been anything. I really wasn't thinking too clearly.
I turned upon my heel and announced to the supermarket that I was there to purchase some milk, some bread and some ham so I could make some sandwiches. I announced this last part about my intent to create sandwiches with a booming voice, so it would be extra clear. I decided that, since I was now an all powerful being who could perform herculean tasks with the flip of a switch, I had no need of the trivialities of daily life such as actually "walking round the supermarket". I aimed the gun at what I calculated to be the center of the store and thought about the milk, bread and ham that I wished to retrieve.
The gravitational field converged about a metre in front of the Gun and, since it was directional in nature, affected pretty much everything within twenty metres of the point where I was standing. Although this material probably contained milk, bread and ham, it also contained a lot of masonry, some shelving units, checkout staff, checkouts and a large portion of the rear wall which, I assume was a supporting structure. Experimental results, i.e. the ripping out of said wall with my Gravity Gun, proved me correct and the rear portion of the supermarket collapsed in upon itself.
I turned around to retreat from the carnage and reaslied that I still had contained within the confines of a gravitational prison, several tons of rock, metal, complaining employees and food produce. Having nothing better to do, I fired it in the direction of the sun, knowing full well that it wouldn't actually get there and instead fall upon the home of some poor ususpecting fool, and turned to face whatever challenge life would see fit to present me with next.
mercredi, novembre 09, 2005
Killer Saught Solace Online
Pre-reading: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=1704519&perpage=40&highlight=&pagenumber=1
"In the weeks before 19-year-old William Freund donned a cape and mask and went on a shooting rampage in his Aliso Viejo neighborhood, he reached out for help on the Internet.
He wrote more than two dozen online messages in October, asking for a "real life" friend and saying he was contemplating suicide. He also threatened to start "a Terror Campaign to hurt those that have hurt me."
The messages paint a portrait of a troubled young man struggling with Asperger's syndrome, a neurological disorder described as a variant of autism that hampers people's ability to interact socially. He revealed his anguish and frustration on a website, wrongplanet.net, used by people with Asperger's.
In a prophetic message written Oct. 16, about the "Terror Campaign," he also said, "My future ended some time ago." Other postings included "Everybody hates me" and "I feel like I need to kill myself." He also disclosed that he had bought a 12-gauge shotgun and had gone online to buy ammunition.
Members of the online community for Asperger's tried to reassure Freund and offer suggestions, and volunteer moderators tried to find his parents.
On Saturday morning, Freund put on a dark cape and paintball mask and entered a neighboring house, killing Christina Smith, 22, and her father, Vernon, 45. He then shot at a house across the street and tried to fire at a neighbor, but the shotgun jammed. Then he walked home and killed himself with the shotgun.
Orange County sheriff's spokesman Jim Amormino said investigators did not know what sparked the shooting or why Freund targeted the Smiths. "We're looking into his mental health at the time of the shooting," he said.
An autopsy completed Sunday showed that Freund died of a single gunshot to the upper torso. Toxicology tests are being conducted, but Amormino said, "We don't expect drugs and alcohol set off his bizarre behavior."
What may be the best clues to what set him off could be the messages Freund left behind in postings on wrongplanet.net. The website was created by people with Asperger's syndrome and intended as a place they could post comments, share experiences and talk to one another in online chat rooms. It also offers articles about the disease but is not intended to be a authoritative medical source.
Those with the disorder are often described as loners who have trouble communicating and may not fit in socially.
To the outside world, people with Asperger's are sometimes merely presumed to be rude, although the condition is caused by a neurobiological disorder. Depression and suicidal thoughts often afflict people with Asperger's, but violent behavior is rare.
The syndrome affects more males than females, and although the number of people with Asperger's is unknown, some experts estimate that 1 in 250 people has at least a mild case. Experts agree that it is subtler than autism but can often be emotionally crippling.
Freund tended to keep to himself, although he worked for a while repairing computers and fixing viruses, said his former employer, Forrest Fuster, 24, of Mission Viejo.
"He was incredibly smart, but he lacked social skills severely," Fuster said. "He was a very deep thinker."
In his online profile, Freund described himself as an only child of adoptive parents, a student at ITT Technical Institute in Anaheim who enjoyed "computers, role playing, fantasy, pugs, Food, guns." He graduated from Aliso Niguel High School in 2004, the same school as Christina Smith, who graduated in 2001.
His online messages were filled with spelling and grammatical errors, alternately depicting a self-aware person desperately seeking help and a frustrated, angry man who wanted to lash out at others.
On Oct. 15 he said he had tried suicide before. "Ive Tried Everythink from asphxia, To lethal gases, Inert Gases To full suspended hanging … my minds Sick With depression."
The next day, he said that if he made it to Halloween, he planned to equip himself with body armor, an airgun and a laser to "just scare any little kids that try to destroy my pumpkin … and guess what I have A real shotgun. It's gona be a fun Halloween," he wrote.
On Oct. 19, he asked for references to a mental hospital, saying that he needed counseling and social skills training. He also said he had no friends. He wrote that he wished he had some, emphasizing it with 75 exclamation points. "]
-LA news source
After-shock: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=1711278&perpage=40&pagenumber=1
Intoxicated Meese wander into Elderly Home
Stockholm, Sweden- A place where problems involving drunks, or rowdy behavior was few are far between; but residents of a South Sweden Elderly home had to deal with both, when two rowdy -and most definitely drunk- Moose wandered onto the premises.
Un-named Moose One and Moose Two had become intoxicated when they consumed a number of fermented apples that had fallen haphazardly around the property.
The police were successful in frightening the moose away once with glow sticks and Michael Jackson costumes, but the disgruntled creatures returned shortly, seduced, and unable to resist the tantalizing fruits that drove their senses wild. A fit of drunken aggression resulted; and the police were forced to bring out the big guns: the hunter and his canine to chase away the rowdy moose.
The culprits were not pursued, but police officers made certain that all fermented fruits were collected around the premises.
mardi, novembre 08, 2005
10/2xx
create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits
A couple of decades to paint that entire map red. Wish me luck.
samedi, novembre 05, 2005
Chav
"Derived from Chatham in Kent, this term can be applied loosely to every culture with a nasty, thieving element. There are many variants of this creature but all are subject to the following commonalities:
Chavs are completely Amoral, having never been subjected to right and wrong by their inattentive, uncaring and often absent parents.
Chavs are part Magpie, evidentially supported by their love of all things shiny, or as vaccuous, illiterate street-slang would say 'Bling'. They can be seen twokking from the Jewelry counter in Argos/Index.
Whatever their ethnic background, Chavs have a built-in affinity to hip-hop/R&B, even if they are inherently racist (see the Scottish). They see their life as glamorous and cool.
Chavs are for the most part, extremely stupid. However, some of them render a form of low cunning, which can be misinterpreted as intelligence. However this is false. A Chav has no desire to better themself through honest means nor learn anything outside of car modification.
All chavs think that they are nails. Again, this is false. Sitting in a beaten up nova smoking lamberts does not precipitate a healthy body. The irony being that a Chav owns mainly sportswear, yet will only break a sweat if running from the police.
Chavs are incredibly fertile beasts, and are highly successful breeders. Where they come unstuck is having to look after the offspring which their 13 year old drunken fumble produces. More often that not the child will grow to be a Chav, having received no more guidance on life than the parent.
Chavs have a fond love for cars, as well as a Vin Diesel fixation. Rather than buy a nice car to start with, a chav will spend all their dole and tax-free labouring cash on upgrading a 10 year old car with 200,000 miles on the clock. The end product will invariably be a luminous monstrosity with at least one serious collision to it's name."
dimanche, octobre 30, 2005
Hallowe'en is a Coming!
Halloween is coming.
All of the immortal creatures of the human realm embark on their long trek past the Sub Atmosphere, The Sea of Moaning Wraiths, Mr. George's Sky Castle, the Forest of Lingering Mist, and finally, unto the Land of Immortal Beings, in time for the annual Hallow Eve bash!
lundi, octobre 24, 2005
The Twenty Things You Wanted to Know About Sandie But Were Afraid To Ask Due to Possible Legal – But More Importantly Psychological - Ramifications
1) My folder size has recently breached the 10GB plateau. 10.22GB to be exact.
2) I despise ignorance, injustice, egotism, snobbishness, close-mindedness, vindictiveness, and @#$!%@^!#$ censorship.
3) I once made three separate hospital stays in one year. Varying from a broken wrist, asthma, to an intestinal infection.
4) I am a sucker for finely dressed men, calculated casualness, and men who have an artistic flair and an European accent.
5) I was always an imaginative child, and as a kid I wanted to be a meteorologist, a flight attendant, a librarian, and a chef in a five star restaurant. My current dream occupation is to work lavishly under the immaculate supremacy that is Google. However, these dreams have unfortunately been seared quite thoroughly by this thing called reality.
6) Once upon a time I was a cool kid in my elementary years, part of the "popular crowd". All was swell and peachy until I had a personal conflict with my best mate, who happened to be the "leader" of said elite crowd of social snobbishness, then I became a geek.
7) I was born in Taipei, Taiwan. Mumsee decided to fly the family to Canada in search for better education, and lifesyle. However, we founded a living that proved to be quite the contrary.
8) My typing speed clocks in at approximately 85WPM.
9) I had never had a doubt as to where I wanted to pursue my higher education, and where I want to stay for the better part of my humble existence until recently.
10) I find that there is nothing more pure/haunting/beautiful than the sound of an acoustic piano, or acoustic classical guitar, for that matter.
11) I think of myself an extroverted introvert.
12) When stumped as to which fancy gifts spoil fabulous me with, chocolate is always fool-proof. Always. That, or money.
13) I've recently discovered that I have an unusual spinal cord disease in which the symptom is idiopathic curvation of the spine. In the event that the curve in my vertebrae were to increase from it's current position of 17 degrees, I would have to undergo a choice of either spinal fusion, or the insertion of a Harrington implant.
14) I like to indulge in the shopping of frivolous items, like skirts as well as shoes and clothing items of the general sort. I enjoy it, Alot. Unfortunately, my lack of cash for such indulgences have been making me consider a part-time job.
15) I scored 27.81065% "Total Geek" @http://www.innergeek.us/, and my Geek Code is GED/FA/L/O d- s: a--- C++ U--- PL---E? W++ N o? K++> w+ O--- M- V? PS++ PE Y PGP? T--- 5? X- R+ tv+ b++ DI? D? G+ e- h- r-- !x+
16) I enjoy quality foreign/short films immensely. It's a refreshing break from all that crap that's coming out of that ass called Hollywood(with notable exceptions of course). A few recent favourites include Le Marche de l'Empereur, Amélie, Mononoke Hime(All studio Ghibli films), Beijing Bycycle, Y tu Mama Tambien, and more.
17) I own a pet chinchilla named Beanie, he's a standard grey chinchilla, and he's the most adorable creature you will ever encounter.
18) Upon further inspection, it turns out that my list was three shy of 20...
Thanks to the Greg for his observation.
19) A couple years back, I told myself that I would never create a blog, and that blogs were stupid, silly, and for self-centered kiddies.
20) I urge everyone to participate in the annual NaNoWriMo. Despite the fact that I may not be participating this year, but I will next year, for sure.
Corsets
Corsets are fabulously stylish, however it isn't all that easy to find one. What's the solution to this fashion difficulty? The razor to the overgrown moustache, the seasoning to the mediocre bread? Get a body corset!mercredi, octobre 19, 2005
Pioneers
The valiant conquerers of the Moon Pastry.
Original Artwork found @ http://mapage.noos.fr/minimiam/go.htm
mardi, octobre 18, 2005
Half a Dozen Dreams
I had half a dozen dreams today. Though impressive, I considered it falling short of the eight dreams per night average.Mere moments before I ungracefully roll out of bed, I decided that I should make a point to remember my dreams before I officially wake up. I counted with my imaginary fingers; there were five. That was astounding, considering that recollecting even just one dream was considered a feat for me these days.
I looked towards the corner of my bedroom where the silhouette of a figure stood. "Isn't that amazing?" I asked Edward the Concrete Man.
Edward is a professional painter that lived in the space between my bed and the wall. He nodded earnestly, and I was awarded with a silly grin that caused his handlebar moustache to shift upwards slightly. Edward was a cheerful man, never failing to lighten up that dark corner in my bedroom where he dwelled out his quiant existence.
Edward was working on his latest project. A project that Edward promises has as much potential as the premier release of the Return of the King. Edward tells me it's going to be a smashing hit, and that it will be known all over the world, and the name of Edward the Concrete Man will ring a melodic soothing tone in the hearts of the public. I can hardly wait.
I shot Edward a smile and waved. Bright rose tinted his cheeks as he dipped his hand into a puddle of garnet and smeared it across the waiting walls.
I gazed in enchantment at Edward the Concrete Man's exploit, his magnum opus.
"It's beautiful..." muttered I, before falling painfully out of bed onto the floor and waking up.
Artwork by TheManWhoFellAsleep
My Adventures in Space
It was another dull day going by in my vacational spaceship, which revolved around the planet Kvarbatron, or also referred to as the planet Mars. The events of yesterday, and so many days before seem to repeat, which eventually will superimpose on its own accord and resemble a giant ball of assorted chicken parts all squished together by a four-year-old martian.Creating edible human food from recycled waste and moon rocks, staring blankly at the sixteen beautiful neighbours that presented themselves as Europa, Callisto, Io, and so on. Every activity that I attempted to partake and have fun in had a soundtrack of mourning wraiths and monotone melodies.
It caught me by surprise. I was unprepared, and inexperienced. My only hint was when the slow and drab melody began to pick up, wild drums began to beat in the background, in sync with my steadily rising heart beat. Then it happened. It came as a blur, encompassed by a bundle of blinding light, barely sufficient amount of time was allotted for me to blink before the being bagan its barbaric assualt. Plastered against my windshield was it's challenge: "FREE iPOD!!1!" it announced in big, bold, opaque colours. Overtaken by terror, eyes indefinitely stapled in the "wide" position, I proceeded to scream in terror. But my hands, my beautiful holy hands, reacted for me. In one swift motion, as if on its own accord, my hands shot to the laser gun, aimed, and blasted that revolting offender for all its worth. Little did I know that the REAL battle was just dawning.
Like a swarm of infuriated hornets, its companions came.
"GIVE ME ALL YA GOT!" I yelled.
Despite the fact that these two dimensional beings were not equipped with the ability to understand speech. Putting on my best "cold-blooded killer" face, I instructed my noble hands to ready the laser gun.
"FIRE!" I commanded.
A brilliant stream of energy and crimson light discharged from the weapon. I watched in delight as each and everyone of my assailants, not unlike the cruel slaughtering of balloons, were massacred and annihilated into oblivion.
I gazed at my handiwork as I lowered the laser gun, "Hell yeah."
dimanche, octobre 16, 2005
How to Have Fun
I woke up the other day, woke up all new like, fresh and invigorated. It was a new day. New moments and minutes and seconds presented themselves like so many angry Irishmen, adept at producing sweary nonsense and odd outbursts of paraphrasing. I felt at peace with the world, I felt like all was right and all was as it was meant to be.
I spent a couple of hours pottering around, cleaning up after myself and making small things out of paper and old rag. The morning passed, as mornings are wont to do, and soon it was afternoon. The sun streamed in through the window, leaving golden shapes on my face and the floor and whatever it is that lives in the corner of my kitchen. I dare not ask its name. I count myself lucky that it hasn't tried to kill me yet.
A few more hours passed. I realised I had been staring into space. Or, at least, I would have been staring into space if it wasn't for the fact I was looking downwards and Space, if you take "Space" to be that infinite and seemingly empty void that stretches on and on as far as the eye can see in any direction you choose from our lovely little planet, would not be underneath my floorboards.
I was bored. Really bored. Things weren't happening. Everything was too peaceful. Everything was, well, apple shaped. As opposed to pear shaped. Which still, in the grand scheme of things isn't a bad shape to be, really. My life had become something to be content about, something to wallow in, something to be at peace with. But it was oh so terribly dull.
It was at that moment that I had a revelation. I knew how to make things interesting again. I knew how I should proceed with my existence on this small and round-shaped chunk of rock in the outer arm of the galaxy known to some as "Jim" but to others as "That Milky Waaaaay"
I was going to have a midlife crisis. It seemed like a perfectly reasonable idea. Fair enough, I was only 16, I had many years to go before the time, date or location that would be known as a "midlife crisis" arrived on my doorstep. But I was bored, there was nothing to do so I sat down and started started to have my midlife crisis.
But then it dawned on me. I had no idea how to have a midlife crisis. It was all terribly new to me. I'd heard tales, of course. I'd seen the sitcoms and the hilariously inventive ways in which middle-aged men took out their rage and frustrations upon an unsuspecting world.
I tried to emulate a few of the things I'd seen. Then I remembered that I couldn't remember any of the things which, if they were written in a book would have been collectively known as "How to Have a Midlife Crisis".
I decided to make a list, which if I ever got round to it, I would publish in a book :
How to Have a Midlife Crisis
Basically, go a little crazy. But not too crazy. Otherwise people will think you're insane, rather than simply "having a crisis"
Ways in which this can be achieved are as followed...
And there you go. By now, it was nearly dinner time, so I got up and proceeded to fight the thing that lives in the corner of my kitchen for the right to get into my cupboard. This was always a lot of fun and never failed to brighten up a dull day.
samedi, octobre 15, 2005
Émilie Simon
Before computer time, and after cookie baking, somehow I found myself watching March of the Penguins(March de l'Empereur)
I have read the reviews from Haro Online about a week ago, and it seemed like something I'd enjoy. I always knew I had the film, I just hadn't figured out how to work the damn DVD player. By no means am I technologically illiterate, my dad just happened to link it together with two other media players which made it difficult to comprehend. But lets cut to the chase; the movie was stunning, hypnotic and definitely not a disposable film. What struck me the most was how brilliantly the pop tunes of Emilie Simon complimented the mood and subject of the movie, penguins. People don't normally associate pop music with a documentary-like film, however, in the case of Le Marche de L'Empereur, it goes together like peanut butter and jelly, Chandler and Monica, soy sauce and eggs(hey I like it personally).
vendredi, octobre 14, 2005
Fresh
Fresh new blog to start a new... whatever.. HOORAH! Hopefully this one will be more active than the last.
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