Dear Wallet

Dear Wallet,
I bring you good news, recent anecdotes say that Sandie has lost her appetite for shopping.

Foood?

I was in my kitchen today. This is not a rare occurrence as I can often be found in my kitchen, but I do not grace the kitchen with my presence to achieve what many would consider the ultimate goal when entering a kitchen, and that is to prepare food.

No, I go into the kitchen to try and prepare food. You see, no matter how hard I try, however many attempts I make and however often I hold a particular container of food up to my face to peer eagerly at it's fine contents and nutritional value, to at least try to conjure an idea for what manner of a meal or snack I should make for this fine afternoon, I end up leaving the kitchen with an empty stomach, every time.

My attention wanders, you see. I think about anything - everything in fact, that has nothing to do with food. I can be happily staring into the space roughly half a metre past the jar of artichoke hearts I hold in my grasp while I think about the different brands of calculators, or cats, or cats with calculators glued to their backs, or alarm clocks that are friendly and talk to you in the morning. Nothing can distract me from this. Not even my sister, can wrench my gaze from whatever it is I'm not looking at to inform me that I've been standing there for roughly forty-five minutes with the fridge door open.

Today, for example, I went into the kitchen, I opened the fridge and peered at its fine content of slightly overripe fruits, bruised carrots, and assorted dairy products, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't think of anything but this -

In the Super Mario series of games, Mario somehow has the ability to pick things up without the use of his hands. Not even that, but he seems to offer no obvious method by which items are procured. Coins, power-up mushrooms, invincibility stars. All that these things require to be taken from their lofty perch atop an almost equally improbable floaty block is to be walked into.
What if this happened all the time in real life? Objects would randomly disappear upon collision with a human body, only to reappear as nothing more than a number in the corner of your vision, or a curious after effect - possibly causing the unfortunate victim to grow to the size of a large oak tree.

As I held the russet onion in my hand, I found myself perplexed by this. I tried touching the onion a few times to see if I could "pick it up", but alas, nothing happened. I placed the onion back into the fridge and walked out of the kitchen. I'd forgotten what I'd come in for.

Merry Crassmass

This year's Christmas was nice. I went to Ashley's house the day before Christmas eve to give each other presents. It was fun, and I got nice things. Eileen gave Sandie a nice belt, and a nice book. The book that Eileen got Sandie is called Nineteen-Eighty-Four, and it is by George Orwell. Lindy got Ashley a nice scarf and a black shirt and some makeup. I like makeup. We went to a restaurant to have lunch that day. It was nice. The restaurant was nice, and the food was nice. It was greek food. Greek food is nice. Then after lunch, me and Lindy went to Laurel and Kimberly's house. We went to the Burchells' house because Lindy said she was going to give Kimberly chocolate and a card. It was nice. At Laurel and Kimberly's house, Kimberly was sick. And so was their dog, Sheyla. Sheyla is fun, and Sheyla kept on trying to lick my face. Sheyla is very cute.

We went back to Ashley's house after giving Kimberly her card, and playing with Sheyla. We baked pie at Ashley's house. It was fun. Lindy and Ashley peeled and cut the apples, Sandie mixed the apples in sugar and cinnamon. Eileen was baking chocolate cookies. Aidan was there and Aidan played computer games while we made pie. We had alot of fun, and we watched some movies. We watched Sin City first. In the middle of Sin City Ashley's mom came home with sushi. We had sushi for dinner. After Sin City we watched TV. Then a little later we watched Le Marche de L'Empereur. Penguins are so cute, and after watching that movie Aidan said she wanted to have a pet penguin. I like penguins. Penguins are cute. Later Sandie and Eileen went upstairs to make coffee. Sandie went to go on the computer. Aidan came and we played a cool online game. When we went back downstairs, Lindy was watching Batman Begins. It looked really cool. But Sandie missed alot of the movie, so she didn't really get it. So Sandie ended up playing games with Eileen. Then we went to sleep. It was fun.

Movies that Will Make you Cry

Making a list like this makes me realize that I am quite the cry-baby... although I assure you, most (if not all of these movies) are more than tear-worthy.

Hotel Rwanda
Just finished this movie no more than half an hour ago. It's an eye-opener, this movie. Don Cheadle commanded the screen, he was nothing short of amazing. If you can sit through this movie without feeling the least bit of disturbance, there is something wrong with you.

The Pianist
A stunning movie about the Holocaust through the eyes of Wladyslaw Szpilman, a Holocaust survivor, directed by Roman Polanski, another Holocaust survivor. Quite an unique point of view for a this type of film. Not once has this film become preachy. Adrien Brody's performance was excellent.

Big Fish
Crying over this movie may not be as justified as the previous two, but I couldn't help it. It hits you like a brick wall at the end of it all. An extremely bittersweet ending to a breathtakingly beautiful film. Still need convincing? Two words: Tim Burton.

The Green Mile
I watched this movie a few years ago, so my recollection of it is a bit rusty. But I remember it to be full of moving performances. I don't typically enjoy thoes films where the directors so blatantly try to manipulate the audience to feel. When it doesn't work, the movie entire movie suffers and has a fake feeling. But The Green Mile was executed so perfectly, I didn't hold back on the tears by the end of the film.


Honourable Mentions for Cry-worthy films: (All terrific movies)

Whale Rider
One of thoes eye-opening movies for me, that addresses the industrialization of the world, and the diminishing culture in smaller societies.

Billy Elliot
A prime example of a movie where emotional manipulation works beautifully. A very delicate story about a father-son relationship. In a class wayyy above it's fellow movies of a similar storyline.

Requiem for a Dream
Darren Aronofsky is a film-making genius. His brain definitely does not follow the typical conventions of film making, evident from this film. Highly disturbing. Requiem is a very difficult movie to sit through, but worth every moment of it. Be warned.

Le Marche de L'Empereur This movie review is not in accordance to my own review, since it reviews the English version, which in my humblest opionion is not nearly as worthy as the original French version. Stunning, stunning, documentary is all I can say. Luc Jacquet and his crew spent months in Antarctica, following the emperor penguins through the cycle of life. Some of the footages are simply unbelievable. Jacquet also took a very unique approach to this documentary. Instead of having the typical voice-over narration despicting the events happening on screen, Jacquet had a male and female voice actor(ess), personifying the male and female penguins. The choice of music is also extremely unique to documentary music history.

The Motorcycle DiariesA very simple coming-of-age story, told through the stunning experiences of two Argentinians. The thing that sets this movie apart from other coming-of-age stories is that the viewer can actually see the transformation of the two main characters on screen. Yet at the same time, the transformations happen subtly.

You Can Count on Me
My Dog Skip
The Last Samurai

Well, that's my list, I will elaborate on the last three films some other time.
As a last note, I'd like to say, WATCH THESE MOVIES!! Or else.

Christmas

Eight things your lover <33 Must be:

Must not speak to another female. (With the exception of immediate family)

Must have an IQ of at least 120, but no greater than 135.

Must have at least a six pack.

Must be of Aryan blood.

Must spend $50(minimum) on myself, monthly.

Must be of virgin material.

Must STAY virgin material unless myself states otherwise.

Must have a frame of no shorter than 5'7, and no taller than 6'3"


Three, material things I want for Christmas:

Vintage cowboy boots

A Furisode

Artwork from here

Two, impossible things that I want for Christmas:

See above list

...him?

One, wish that I want for Christmas:
Somehow being able to have a guarenteed successful future.

Thoughts

I'd like to think that the reason people become frustrated with me is because they know I'm right.

Things I Dislike

1

Spontaneous back pains. They will take over anytime anywhere, any magnitude.
2

When people answer to "what's up?" with "pretty good."
3

Those stupid email chains that say "If you don't send this to 250 people in .025 seconds, some foaming- at- the- mouth woman with PMS and red eyes will eat you and your bed."
4

When someone proclaims that the Hollywood flick of a movie they *just* saw is the best movie they've ever seen.
5

Those kids in Psychology class who likes to criticize everyone else's inputs and feedback in their own back corner of the room, when they themselves have nothing better to contribute.
6

Anti-abortionists whose only argument consists of "abortion is murder," and "you're a heartless bitch." Please, I'll respect your opinions when you have a substantial argument.
7

Wet socks.
8

People who justify their stupidity and naivety with, "at least I have a life." Please, define "having a life" for me. What the fuck makes you think you're ideal of posessing "a life" is everyone else's?
9

Celebrities who whine about how tedious and lonely their lifestyles are. Of course, we all know what an incredibly high-pressured life they must lead, jet-skiing around the world... signing autographs. You got yourself into the industry, leave if you must.
10

The fact that more than 50% of the entire world's wealth is posessed by a handful of undeserving, uneducated pigs.
9

Unschooled kids who proclaim their disapproval of "commies" when they don't have a fucking clue what communism is.
8

Advocates of ID who claim that ID is scientific.
7

Idiotic Canuckleheads. Pull your head out of your ass please, Bertuzzi is an assclown, and always will be.
6

People who gossip about celebrities, because they have no interesting lives of their own, they must indulge themselves in the lives of a frivolous celeb.
5

When someone feels that you are wasting your life, and not correctly "living" because you happen to invest your time in different aspects of life, such as learning, and art.
4

Said people who believe that they themselves are the prime examples of "truly living" because they are reckless and enjoy indulgences in largely adolecent activities with their peers, such as skipping class, getting hammered, disregarding the law, or rebelling against their parents. I've done most things on that list, and I don't find any particular thrill in any of them.
3

Warm milk.
2

Kids who believe that someone who chooses to take school seriously, and or partake in activities that doesn't consist of socializing as "having no life."
Again, your ideals of "having a life" does not reflect the opinions of everyone else. Besides, if having a life means taking school seriously and earning an easier tomorrow, and having a life means having total disregard for your elders, and socializing with dimwits, then I'd rather not have a life.
1

Unclosed parenthesis. (Like so:
0

OdDlY cApItAlIzEd LeTtErS. Seriously. No.
-1

Students who only know how to blame their teachers and not themselves. Yes, some cases there are some very questionable teachers. But more often than not, kids will blame the teacher even if they had it coming.
No, a teacher is not going to excuse you to go the the washroom because he/she is a bitch, but because you've gone twice every class for the past three weeks.
-2

When someone judges the quality of a teacher based on the niceness scale. If this teacher allows me to chew gum in class, and assign little to no homework, he/she is the goddarn best teacher in the whole fucking world. No.
-3

People who have yet to learn the expression, "metrosexualism," and are instead lazy, and describes everything as "gay", and everyone as "fags".

Soo, that concludes my rant for today. There is probably more, but that's qute enough for one day.